Friday, June 20, 2008

Shuffle Step.......

So I had chemo on Monday and then yesterday I went in for a two hour drip of anti nausea stuff. PLUS I'm wearing this watch type of bracelet that is for people who get seasick or carsick and it puts out little electrical pulses on this acupressure spot that is supposed to keep the vomits away. I think it's working. I don't seem to throw up when I have it on. It's a little disconcerting being shocked every few seconds. Some sort of small torture device. But I don't throw up and that's a good thing. I went to purchase it at a travel store with my friend Katey who told me that I did not look like the Crypt Keeper with my hat on and my hair sticking out, I looked like Dana Carvey in Wayne's World. I'm not sure which is worse. It's amazing I still have hair at all. Seems to be gone at the top and it just sticks out the bottom. But the wig is just fine.

Anyway, whilst getting this anti nausea drip I talked to a very nice lady from Connecticutt. She was doing her chemo out here to hang with her daughter. She lived in what seemed to be an assisted living village type of place in Danbury, Conn. Sounded like fun. How frightening is that?!! She was rushing to get her chemo done so she could get back to Danbury for the big tap dance extravaganza she was involved in. Her big number was Pretty Woman...All tap dance all the time. They were doing a play, too...Look Back in Anger. All of this was at the assisted living place. Look Back in Anger? Not the play I would have chosen for a bunch of seventy and eighty year olds but hey, maybe they're all angry. Maybe this is how they can talk to their children and let them know how they really feel about raising them. And this woman who tap danced, she couldn't have been more than three feet tall and she was telling me about her costume and her makeup and I'll be damned if it didn't sound like fun. Wish I was about to tap to Pretty Woman. All dressed in feathers and eyelashes.

And I guess I was realizing that I actually haven't started putting my life back together from what it was before. This cancer thing sort of came up about six months after the man formerly known as my husband left me and months after my son went off to college and my dad died and the dog died and all that stuff that seemed to have happened so long ago. And now I have about four more chemos to go...so they say...And once again I can start all over figuring out just who I am and where I belong in the scheme of things and just what it was I was thinking of doing after my own personal Katrina took place.

Kind of exciting. Love the idea of a new house. A new me. Who is she? What does she do? What does she look like? How long is her hair? Will she tap dance? Who will assist in her living? When will she have a hot dog? All thrilling things to think about sitting under my ceiling fan typing on my oh so cool wireless computer.

Ah, life is good. Oh oh, it's that brain thing, isn't it? The one that allows me to like The Notebook. Don't pay any attention to me for a while. Until I heal. I'm speaking in some type of language that is way to happy to really be me. Where's the edge? Can't be a good writer without an edge. Think I'll watch Wiseguys tonight. That's what I'll do. Watch Wiseguys, throw up a few times. I'm taking off this damn watch thing. That's it. The happy pulse. Not good for me.

Fuck you.

Okay, I feel better now.

Hope I didn't hurt your feelings.

Must be the watch.

Or maybe I just have to figure out who I am......Right now........After the deluge.........................

3 comments:

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL, LOL...You gave me the best laugh I've had all week, with FUCK YOU! Yeah! Right!

That braclet does dound like a doubly edged sword, I must say..BUT, my choice would be the little shocks...!

You will figure it all out dear Trish---I KNOW you will!

I must say that Assisted Living place sounds like they put "Happy Pills" in the food or something! Danbury, huh?? Well, on the ragged edge of 77 here in a week, I think I'll stay put!

leslie said...

Glad to hear that you're thinking forward and about next steps. As I said before, I'd be happy to help you pack if you are going to move. Too much bad stuff in your recent past so it's time to leave it behind...just bring the good baggage with you. As an aside, my 86 year old mother has been tapping away until very recently! It's great exercise and apparently lots of fun.

Sister Mary Martha said...

I can teach you to tap dance.