Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Mo

Six mo to be exact. Or six MORE if you want to use proper English. Yes, I have six more chemos to do starting Monday. But this is a good thing even though the thought of being sick again and the thought of losing ALL of my hair and the thought of going through what I've just gone through all over again is just so yucky I cannot even think of a smart word to describe it because at the end of those six chemos I will almost be cancer free. And I say almost because I don't think they actually give you that diagnosis until about five years after the cancer is actually considered slightly gone. Dr. Shaum said she would like it if I were no longer a patient, just a person who comes in for checkups every few months.

So starting this Monday I shall begin the process all over again. But with a smile on my face and a lighter heart (and one pair of jeans that fit) knowing that by the end of summer I will be jumping into the ocean in my size 2 bathing suit and swimming out to the Carpinteria float...Just me and my body with no cancer and a friend named Devon who always swims out to the float with me.

Now here are some slightly weird things...First of all, the gastro doctor who did the test on Monday...Dr. Hertz...did not see any gastritis. So I guess that's gone. Strange. No one can tell me why it's gone or where it might have come from if I actually had it. Hmmmmmm.

I have to interject something. Oh, don't you just love interjecting? Here's what it is I am interjecting...Sometimes, I can't spell. Now I know you know that because you read this thing and I know every once in a while you say, "Hey, this chick can't spell." Well, I KNOW THAT. So give me a break. I reread a couple of blogs and it was just awful. I even do spellcheck. So fuck you spellcheck for not knowing everything you're supposed to know...Like gastritis. I completely mispelled that last time. And that is why I never entered a spelling bee.

Okay, next strange thing...I was really, really sick the last few weeks. I mean wanting to die sick. And then Monday, Will arrived, I had this little endoscopy...and all the sickness went away. AND...and this is a big AND..........................AND I COULD EAT! After all these months, suddenly I ate an entire container of yogurt and some egg whites and an apple and a sugar free cookie and so on and I told the doctor and she had no idea why I could suddenly eat nor did she ever figure out what was making me that sick in the first place. Pain in my heart sick. Throwing up all the time sick. I even stopped taking those pain pills. Haven't had them all week. Call it a miracle? Oh come on, there is no such thing as a miracle and why on earth would it happen to me of all people, a miracle? And did the Red Sea really part? I guess that would be considered a miracle. Mary on a tortilla...That's a miracle. But whatever it is, the pain is gone.

For the moment.

I'll be curious to see just how sick the chemo makes me this time. Does the pain have something to do with the chemo? I have learned during this process that you can ask and answer a million questions that actually have no answer so it's either a waste of time to ask the questions or it's just plain fun but it's all a guessing game although I hope the doctors actually have some real answers to the questions and they're not all just guessing.

Although I think sometimes they are. They're only human...Unfortunately.

So tomorrow I get my wig which I'm going to need although I love my caps but with no hair sticking out the bottom of the cap it is not going to be as fun and you suddenly look like a person going through chemo which is not a bad thing. It just draws attention to yourself in a slightly pitiful way. Don't like that.

What day is it? Where am I? Hmmmmm. I'm hungry. How about some yogurt? Some yogurt and a wig. That is what my life has come down to at this point. Ah, the simple things.

And maybe a small miracle...........................................Although that's what it's really all about, don't you think? This whole life thing really is just a small miracle.

Or maybe not.

Just another one of those questions with no answer. Maybe I should call a doctor.........................

10 comments:

leslie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leslie said...

Yes...miracles happen. And this is just so cool that you are eating and hoping. It's about time you got positive news. So many people are hovering around this site waiting for more good news from you. Go girl!! We're all thinking good thoughts about you and sending you hugs.

Marlene said...

Thankfully, you’ve got a lot of living to do before the ending to your story is written.

May the next chapters be (almost) as exciting as all the others. Forget spelling. Good penmanship counts.

Such good news! All the best to you.

Anne said...

I have a friend who wore a cap because her hair was gone from chemo. She hate the wigs but loved her caps.

So she went to a shop and bought a curved hair extension that velcros inside the back of the cap. It looks real cute - like she has a longish page boy style. Sometimes, she ties it up in a pony tail and pulls it through the hole in the back of the cap and that looks cute too.

I am so glad you are eating. Take it easy, savor it slowly so you don't get sick.

I hope you get some anti-nausea med for the chemo so your stomach doesn't get too messed up again.

Great news Trish,
Take care,
Anne

guyot said...

Jeez... I come here thinking I'm gonna read a post about Missouri, and what do I get?

An actor-schtupping writer who gets horny from chemo.

Jeez.

And speaking of spelling, or schtupping... is it schtupp? Or am I just still having much-too-moist dreams about Lili Von Schtupp?

Or was it Lili Von Shtupp? I don't know, I'm not from around here.

And I can't spell. Hey, and neither can you! We're like two peas in a pod. A pod of poor spelling vegetables.

Am I rambling?

Jeez.

Why did I have to come here? What happened to the good old days of blogs, when people just posted stupid pictures of their cat, or wrote about their awful date with that douche bag Larry, who kept his hat tilted at that stupid angle all night, and kept tagging every sentence with, "know what I'm saying?"

Jeez.

I think I better lie down.

SouthernDaze said...

I am so very happy to hear that things are going so well for you....And, I truly do believe in miracles...Take care,
Vicki

Sister Mary Martha said...

I can answer some of your questions! According to a Jesuit I had that taught the Old Testament, the Red Sea parts all the time. Goo falls in "up sea" and the silt builds up until the Red Sea parts and then gets washed away again and goes back to normal. So the miracle wasn't the parting (according to him) it was the timing.

You should appreciate that being a comedy writer.

Mary on a tortilla...no miracle there. Burn marks. Not Mary.

You, on the other hand...technically a miracle is "instantaneous and unexplained". So you qualify.

You've topped the parting of the Red Sea.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

What a Mitzvah, my dear! FOOD! Eating actual food! Hooray!

I hope the coming Chemo is not as fiercely horrific as the last ones were....!

I cannot spell either...Never could and still can't. But, here's the thing. My oldest sister Robin told me a really important thing when I was about eight years old and had written something she wanted to read and I was too ashamed to show it to her because the spelling was so atrocious. She said: "You don't have to know how to spell---someone can always correct that for you----It's what you are writing about that is what's important!" And EVERYTHING you write about is WONDERFUL, dear Trish...So, Screw Spell Check!

I believe Miracles happen, dear Trish....maybe not BIG BIG BIG ones like the Red Sea parting, but, I do believe they are happening all the time....

Enjoy some wonderful something to eat, my dear!

Roberta J. said...

Congratulations!! It's so good to hear you sounding upbeat and doing so much better! As to the questions the doctors can't answer, I assume they call it "the practice of medicine" for a reason? Meanwhile, even if they can't always get it right, someone does since miracles do happen. Are you going over to Cedric for a nice hot dog? Please continue your upward health trend. And enjoy your size 2 size!

Love, Roberta

nora said...

I love all of this.

And as I nice Catholic girl, these are the kind of miracles I can wrap my head around.

Speaking of head wraps, I think you're bringing the Cubs good luck. Keep wearing the cap!