...And five to go. It was strange going back to chemo after three weeks off because I was feeling almost like a normal person for a moment there. Except when I took off my hat or my wig because this head thing is very odd. Some of that is my reluctance to just shave off the whole thing. I have these tufts or wisps of hair coming out of my bare scalp and it's a bit frightening but not too bad and I like these tufts sticking out of the bottom of my cap...So I will keep them until it all comes tumbling down which could be any day now. But the wig is good. You just have to make sure it doesn't creep down below your hairline because then you sort of look like a badly made puppet. Actually, come to think of it, without the wig I look like a badly made puppet.
But I feel pretty good today. Threw up a couple of times. (Is that how you spell threw? Throooo. Hmmmm.) Went to acupuncture today and that was good. Drove myself there and didn't hit anyone so that was good, too.
Someone sent me six little mini laughing Buddhas. What, I wonder, are they laughing at? They're cute but they look a little scarey to me. They are sort of laughing hysterically. You know, they just seem to be a little too happy. Is anyone that happy? Maybe I haven't laughed enough lately and I've forgotten about hysterical laughter. You know, the kind of laughing where milk comes out of your nose because you laugh so hard. Maybe that kind of laughter just happens in high school and then real life hits and it's not so funny anymore. But I like the little Buddhas. And I'm going to try and make sure I laugh everyday at least once.
I just laughed. For no reason. Maybe I'm insane. I haven't had a drink in months. Maybe I need alcohol.
I miss my hot dogs.
I do chemo in this big room with lots of other people doing the same thing. Sometimes we talk, compare diseases or talk about books or just sit quietly and read. But yesterday there was a woman there who talked LOUDLY on her cell phone for at least an hour, I kid you not. And when she was through with a call her cell phone would ring and her ring tone played New York New York and it rang WAY TOO LOUD and then she would talk to Carol or to Connie and she would talk about what's for dinner and how does your hair look and she wants to buy a new purse but they're all so small and blah blah blah and it was so annoying and the rest of us were giving her looks but she obviously didn't give a shit and we were too polite to say anything and we sort of just hoped she would die but she actually might have BEEN dying so it wasn't nice on our part to think that. I hope she's not there next week. I don't mean I hope she's not there because she died. Nonono. I just hopes she comes on a Tuesday. Honestly. That's what I meant.
I miss my hot dogs. Did I say that already? Maybe I just miss Cedric. I miss my old life. But I'll have a new life. With hot dogs and cheese and that sounds somehow very exciting.