Tuesday, March 25, 2008


Finally, some good news. Some news I can relate to, some news that makes me feel that everything is going to be just fine...

I drove myself to the market a couple of days ago and that was a trip onto itself because I'm on these pain pills and in the house they're just fine but out in the world they really make you feel a bit paranoid and I think I must have looked very odd because everyone was staring at me or probably that was just the paranoid part but anyway...I was in Pavillions getting things that were made out of paper since I can't eat right now and I glanced down at the magazines and there was the good old Weekly World News with the headline...WORLD TO END 5-15-08...And I felt so relieved that I wouldn't have to do chemo after that...That thank goodness there was going to be an end to all of this and the end was actually in sight! Oh happy day. So I drove back home and took out my purchase of paper towels and toilet paper and I felt pretty damn good about my future.

Except...I saw Arlen Spector on Jon Stewart and I realized that in a month or so I would look just like him. When he had cancer and lost his hair and all that. That was rather depressing. Although he's a guy who looks extremely frightening even when he HAS hair so I'm thinking that maybe I'll look more like Natalie Portman or maybe Natalie Portman's mother. Natalie shaved her head for a silly movie but when you've got a face like that and you're young I think being bald is not as intimidating as when you spend half your time trying to hide your fine lines and wrinkles under your bangs.

You know that show In Treatment that I mentioned a while back...Well, according to the ratings not many people are watching it and according to MY ratings I think I KNOW everyone who's watching it. Like, all of my friends. You people. I'm telling you, watching people with problems that are not your own is such a comfort. That's not your therapist, that's not your husband, that's not your daughter and thank goodness for that. And you've got to love the fact that the therapist is a complete mess because don't you think that's always true? Well, not always but my room mate for one semester in college was a young woman whose parent's were both therapists and boy was she fucked up. I met them once. The therapist couple. They actually introduced me to Bob Dylan. The records, not the man. They were like really depressing beatnik type people. Wore black all the time. Listened to Dylan all the time. Had pictures of Freud all over their house. They were very pale and their house was very pale and their daughter was very pale and she left college after a semester. I think it was the acid that did her in. I remember she took acid and couldn't stop talking about her father and it completely freaked her out so she left school to deal with that. I heard years later that SHE TOO became a therapist. Are we surprised? I just hope she didn't have any kids.

So I believe I'm starting chemo on Friday. I'll find out for sure today or tomorrow. I am not going into this as healthy as I was last time and that's a little scary but I am looking forward to shrinking this stuff so I can eat a little. Haven't had even cheesecake in a very long time. Luckily, I am not hungry because of the tube food. I'm thinking that I'm going to wear a yellow sweater to brighten things up a bit but as far as the pants go, forget it. Nothing hangs right anymore because of the ass absence. I am hoping to have a wireless laptop soon I can write more often, even when I'm hooked up to the IV.

Maybe I won't actually be bald when the world ends. That would be nice. Hmmm, I forgot to read HOW the world was going to end. I did see a picture of a gigantic dinosaur type monster next to the headline but that must have been part of another article because that would be way too silly so I know it will be something much more plausible that finishes off mankind. Like being attacked by aliens or maybe the sun is getting too close. Yea, that's probably it. I think I'm feeling a bit warm already...............................


Lyla said...

I don't have cancer and I'm finding myself not that unhappy about the world ending...it's my son, who goes to private school for $27,000 a year, thank you, and doesn't study. And isn't a genius! Everyone else's kid is "off the charts," mine is on the charts and won't study. I'm mad at him and thinking that the end of the world would serve him right. But, I don't want that for you, Trish. You deserve better...things will get better. You'll get well, your hair will grow back, your ass will return but I'll still have this knucklehead asshole son.

Anonymous said...

I had a friend who went thru chemo and was told she was going to lose her hair. So before she even started chemo, she went out and bought some hats (baseball type) and ONE colorful floppy hat.

When she finally did lose her hair, no one really noticed it much because she always wore the hats.

Oh, and the one floppy hat? She figured there would be at least one day a week that she was going to push herself to feel great (even if she didn't feel great).

The colorful floppy hat would be the outward cue to everyone that she was doing well that day. It got her through it and it is twelve years later now and she is doing well.

Chin up, Trish, you'll be fine. You are in my thoughts daily,

Barbara said...

I'm sorry to hear the world is ending. But glad that we're all going at once. (Wish I had one of those pain pills for the actual day though.)

I'm an "In Treatment" fan too. I especially love the actress who plays the young gymnast. Breathtaking.

Sending you love and white superstitiously good healing thoughts.

Scarlet said...

The world is coming to an end in May, huh? Three days before my husband's birthday. I'll have to tell him because he absolutely hates his b-day, and I think he'll be relieved to hear he won't have to sweat it out again this year. Now all he'll have to worry about is death.

I wish you didn't have to think of things like chemo and drugs and not eating and ass absence. Let's hope these days go by fast for you and you come out of this whole thing brand spanking new.

I hope you get that wireless laptop soon. I have a feeling you're going to have a lot to write about.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I LOVE all the commemts, Trish. Particularly Lyla's....I laugh at what you wrote and I laughed at what she wrote, too....!
It's fine with me if the world ends on May whatever....And given that THAT is the case, I think I'll just spend all my money on fun things. Wanna take a trip? I know you are going to be busy with the Chemo and all, but....well, maybe just a short little flight to Paris....! Let's get plenty of Pain Pills and get some really fun people to go, too....!

I am so happy to hear you are going to get a Lap Top....Blogging and Writing anywherre you please. Sounds terrific to me, my dear. Be sure to bring it on the plane to Paris, too...And let's make it a Private Jet! Then we don't have to wait on all those lines and take off our shoes and all those other humbling things....And when we come back we can say..."We'll always have Paris...!"
Hugs To You My Dear......

Do you mean Friday, today?