Sunday, February 17, 2008

The Absence of My Ass

I am not sure if I've ever written a blog on a Sunday night around eight o'clock. But I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to write at all this week and I thought I would check in and let you know where things stand at this moment in time.

THEY STAND ON NOTHING.

I don't know the results of my cat scan/mri yet and I can't eat and I feel just awful and I slept for a few hours today and I have no idea what's happening.

But I do know this...I have lost about 28 pounds. I've said 30 pounds before but to be specific it's about 28. And some people really can't tell where I've lost that weight. They say I look pretty much the same. I believe that's because of two reasons. One is that luckily my face does not get that thin and wan look. In other words, I think I have a fat face. That's good thing. The second reason is because I believe most of the weight I have lost is my ass weight. I think my ass actually must have weighed around 25 pounds! I am not kidding you. I look in the mirror now and see one of those horse back riding asses. You know...Ladies who ride horses have very flat asses. Well I used to have some booty back there. I liked it. It was fine. Now....There is nothing. It's gone. My ass is gone. I honestly think I lost all of my weight in my behind. Which I guess is a good thing because who can tell except my desk chair? However, if I don't start to eat soon I'm afraid my fat face will thin out and be all wrinkly and ancient looking and I'll have to buy all sorts of expensive creams and lotions so I am hoping that my trip to the nutritionist on Tuesday will reveal some eating tricks to me that I don't already know.

And here's what is confusing...Wouldn't you think that your appetite voices would come from your mind? "Eat Trish. Come on, you know you're hungry." So why don't I have an appetite? They didn't operate on my mind. They operated on my stomach. But I have no appetite and certain food just makes me gag. Like eggs, for instance. I used to love eggs. Can't even look at them now. You know what I ate today?...Sour Cream...I completely craved sour cream. Is that disgusting or what?

Remember when I said that 2008 was going to be a good year. Big changes and all that. Well, what the hell happened? This year seems to be just an extension of last year...

EXCEPT

I actually got the storage people to come and take away half of the man formerly known as my husband's stuff!! I couldn't believe that I actually did that. I could barely get off the couch but I had called the boxingupthestuff mover guys and they came on Saturday and they took about forty boxes of stuff out of this house. It was heavenly. I stared at the empty shelf in the living room for a couple of hours before I started putting MY STUFF on the shelf. My buddha with the candle, my Eloise doll, another candle that I liked. And some books. I could not believe how good that made me feel. I toasted myself with a slow drink of water and then I threw up. It was perfect.

I am reading The Road. Compared to my life I actually find it quite cheery. Next maybe I'll reread A Death in the Family. Makes me smile just thinking about it.

4 comments:

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Well, Shit! When are they going to tell you the results of your tests, my dear....? Tell them to get on with it....!!
And hey....25 pounds of ass.....You think? LOL! You never loose that sense of humor, dear Trish....!
I bet it was ibcredibly satisfying when ALL that stuff finally left your house....Mazel Tov, my dear....!

In all seriousness, I hate that you are having such a terrible time with eating and not being able to keep much down.....I know that cannot be any fun at all!!
I send you BIG BIG HUgs, dear Trish. (((((((HUGS)))))))

gary said...

First your stomach...now your ass...What? Are you taking yourself out one piece at a time? Hey...I remember that ass and losing it is no small thing. Of course the solution is obvious...start wearing jodphurs.

Thinking of you and holding a good thought. Again, I'd love to catch up with you if you are up to it...Or if you just need something. In the meantime...Be well.
Gary

Scarlet said...

This is a beautiful title. I wish things were better for you.

So you lost your ass...as long as your sense of humor stays where it is, you're good. :)

Roberta J. said...

It's a shame your ass is lost. I'm sure there are many people who believe they would benefit from a nice piece of ass...