Venice Police Blotter
Midnight, August 23rd
A middle aged fake blond with a questionable haircut was seen staggering down Abbot Kinney around midnight. She was quite disheveled and was carrying an empty martini glass from Hals and a half eaten slice of pizza from Abbots Habit. A green olive with pimento was found in her right ear. She kept saying something about St. John. (Probably a religious fanatic.) And she was rambling on about Clive Owen and James Brown and said something about Mother Teresa questioning her faith. When Officer Spring apprehended her she told him that he had to let her go because she was flying off to Calcutta tomorrow. (Probably something related to Mother Teresa.) She also told him that she had slept with someone named Bobby who had a very thick New York accent. Officer Spring said that from the looks of her he doubted that she had slept with anyone. Ever. He asked her to take the breathalyzer test but she bent over and did something she called a downward dog instead. Officer Spring concluded that she was just a harmless mid-century woman so he let her go. As she was leaving she told Spring that she was going to buy some moisterizer for St. John. (Probably an offering.)
Spring told his fellow officers that he felt she was out of her mind but harmless. She was last seen getting into a Prius and driving erratically towards a beauty parlor and bouncing up and down in her car seat as The Grateful Dead blasted from her speakers.