Well, I lost it yesterday. Lost my blog. Wrote a long one and then poof it was gone. And you can't rewrite these things because they are, to put it pretentiously, stream of consciousness. But it was about chemo. How Monday was the sixth but not the last and it was about other people in the room, who were mostly women and about how we trusted these doctors who were putting poison into our veins and sort of guessing that this was the right thing to do. And it was about trusting just about everything we do everyday like drive on the 405 or on Lake Shore Drive or whatever the big road is where you live and trusting that some nut is not going to crash into you and it was about being on a plane trusting that the guys in the control tower are paying attention...Like..."Hey, do those two planes seem like they're too close together to you, Bob?...Bob?...Yeah, give me one of those chips. Yeah, the salsa good. You made it, huh? Hothouse tomatoes, huh? It's smokin'. So, what do you think about those two planes?"
And then maybe your life is over because Bob made some good salsa.
So I guess that's what I was thinking about yesterday. Oh, and the title. Max. Every morning when I get up, the first thing I want to put down my throat is Pepsi Max. DIET Pepsi Max. It's got caffeine and ginseng in it. It is full of crap and I love it. Before I was sick I ate nothing but healthy. Broccoli, zuchini. Now I can't eat sugar, thus the diet MaX and I can't even look at a vegetable. And you know what, who cares? At this point, who cares. Will eating a bean really make me better? I don't think so. It think it's going to be poison and some luck.
That's what I was thinking yesterday. Today, my mind is blank. But I did wash the bathroom floor and did my laundry. That's a good thing. Normal life. Getting back to a normal life. Is that possible? Does that include broccoli? Does normal have a different meaning now?
I think it does. And that is going to be a very interesting thing to discover. The new normal.
Hmmm, I'm in the mood for something cheesy and greasy. Definitely a new normal.