Okay, let's pretend I'm not in pain. Let's pretend I don't have chemo tomorrow. Let's pretend I can eat and drink anything I want to because I am very thirsty right now and I want to gulp down an entire bottle of pomegranate juice but then I would go into some kind of horrible coma like state so I just have to take tiny sips of water and pretend that it has some sweet wonderful tart taste so today seems to be a great day to play pretend. I am putting all the sort of "bummer" things aside and I'm just focusing and what is actually good about today.
My son was just here for a visit, had to go back for work but it was a great visit and just sitting with him and hanging is a million times more satisfying than pomegranate juice or any juice for that matter and now it is Sunday and foggy and I love fog and I am writing on my fab gear computer and watching the Laker game and looking at all of those incredibly handsome young man run up and down the court, at the top of their game, making what is impossible seem effortless and I'm a little worried about the Lakers right now because I think the Jazz may be a bit hungrier at this little juncture but Kobe did win the MVP award this week and maybe he can get his guys in gear. But it is not going to be easy. And they are playing Utah! In Utah. Look at those people. They're all so white and happy and of course I think they're all Mormons, which is fine, but I had a strange run in with Mormon's once. A long time ago, I took a train with my friend Nora. We were on our way to Colorado. We had a morning stop in Salt Lake so we put on our running shoes so we could get a little exercise and we were told we couldn't run around the Mormon Temple! It was illegal. So we debated whether it was cool to get a ticket for running illegally, sort of like Arlo Guthrie getting a ticket for littering, or if we should just walk around the Temple. We chose walking. The chicken way out. Anyway, that was my experience with Utah and Mormons.
And I must say...Talk about handsome...Kobe just gets cuter and cuter as he matures and I think he's actually a better guy, not quite as self absorbed as he used to be and oh my goodness his daughters are soooooo cute.........................
So I'm going to sit here and watch basketball and sweaty bodies and for moment, for very long moments I will not feel any pain and that is such a relief because I cannot seem to get what I think is my esophagus to stop hurting. Every time I eat something or even have that sip of water my chest hurts. Dr. Shaum is going to help me figure this out. I keep reminding myself that I used to eat...before the cancer came back...and I ate in February so I should be able to eat again...Without pain. And I won't have to wear these pain patches or take pills that make me feel off center and drive like a maniac. Which, by the way, I am going to do today so you might think about staying off the street between 2 and 3.
Until then I am going to watch Kobe and Derek and try to remain calm although until they are at least ten points ahead I will probably not be able to do that.
But I won't be thinking about MY pain. Just handsome guys with sweaty bodies wearing cool shoes running back and forth, back and forth. Life is good.