Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Long Story Short

Well, obviously nothing seems as important or as exciting as last Tuesday night. Amazing and it happened in our life time. How lucky are we. He's smart! He's handsome. She's smart! She's beautiful. And they have to much shit to deal with I cannot even imagine. But for some reason I think they can actually handle it. Finally someone is representing me that I am proud of in so many ways. Will brought me home from the hospital just in time for the returns. Yes, I was in the hospital for a week. Okay, now I'm going to talk about my silly personal stuff that seems so meaningless compared to the shift that occurred last week in the unsteady plates of the USA.

In a nutshell, here's what happened...Suddenly, I couldn't eat anything. Not yogurt, not peanut butter, not Popsicles, not water...NOTHING. Hmmmm. Not a good sign. So I got very dehydrated and finally checked myself into the hospital where they started pumping fluids into me and some pain medication and anti nausea to try and help me stop tossing my cookies. (Oh, for a cookie. Warm and dripping chocolate chips. Even a snickerdoodle would do) So it was determined that the clinical trial I was trying was not working and my days as a guinea pig were over. I failed. I asked the doctor in charge of the trial if that meant I won something just for donating my body to science for five weeks. You know, like a trip to Paris, business class or Sarah Palin's old wardrobe, perhaps, even though it's not my style but I might like her blue moose sweatshirt but no, I get nothing except a pat on the back and a thanks a lot and please bring back the pills you didn't finish. Hmmm, wonder what XL88L is worth on the street. Probably a punch in the nose. So now I am onto the next treatment, good ole radiation. They have tattooed a mark on my heart and a couple marks on my sides and five days a week I go into a Star Trekkie room where I machine rotates around and radiates my tumor that is preventing me from eating or drinking. The tumor that just seems to be growing and not taking orders from anyone. One good thing about this little tumor, it seems to be on it's own, not bothering any other organs. Just does it's own thing and that's a good thing. Thank goodness! Something in the positive column for once. So for three weeks I get radiated and then............WHATEVER COMES NEXT!

Robert DeNiro. Remember him? I sort of do.

The most exciting moment of my radiation thus far...There are technicians who put you in the right place on the silver table so the radiation beam can hit you in the exact spot that it should. These technicians have all been women...Until today. Gordo. Gordo was there taking off my blouse and lying me on the table completely topless. It had been so long since a man had taken off my blouse that I wanted to throw my arms around Gordo and pull him down to the silver table where the beam would go threw his back to my chest and we would be some kind of bonded. But I resisted and he covered me with a towel and beep beep I was radiated alone. Just me and my tumor and Gordo in the outside "safe" room. Maybe I'll ask if I could stand in the safe room with Gordo while he zaps someone else. Maybe we'll just be really good friends. Maybe I need a vacation

The mice are still here. Rats? I'm beginning to like them. I think they like me, too. I mean, they always leave me presents. And Christmas is coming. Nice to have something around that wants to give you presents, right?

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING? Am I getting better? Or do I just keep trying out different possible methods that may or may not work? I was told today that the trial in Japan I was so interested in only seems to work on Japanese people! What the hell does that mean? Anything out there that just works on Jews? Must be something, right? Like a matzo ball chemo where they inject you twice a week with matzo meal and you complain every waking moment until the tumor has no choice but to shrink and get the hell out of there. I'm telling you, I am going to think of something so I can get back to some semblance of a normal life if it's the last thing I'm going to do.

Ah, but we've got a new President. Things have changed. There is Hope. Yes, there is. Even if everything went down hill from here a good thing happened. A change was allowed to occur. And we have one person in particular to thank for that change. George W. Bush. Even if things were just so/so I'm not sure such a radical change would have happened. I think things had to sink to very very far down that people of all persuasions felt that something drastic had to happen. I never thought I would say this but, thank you George W for doing such a spectacularly awful job that even people on your own side saw that there was really only one choice to get us out of this swamp. Thanks for bringing us Mr. Barack Obama. As that radiation radiates through my bones I get sort of a heavenly feeling that maybe love is in the air again.

Or maybe it's Gordo................................


Ellen said...

Glad you're back. I'm rooting for the radiation. It'll probably make you tired, but you're already tired, so how different could it be?

Your positive spirit and humor makes ME feel better in the world, I'll tell ya. I sobbed Tues. night, at 8:01, as did, I noticed in today's paper, a lot of people. Yea for us. We CAN be a thinking people.

Anonymous said...

Hi Trish:
Glad you are home from the hospital and back blogging. But sorry the med trial didn't work.

Your humor is still hanging in there, thank God. My thoughts and prayers are with you,

Barbara said...

Hi Trish. I'm glad you're home and I'm praying this radiation will shrink the tumor and you'll feel better soon. Love, Barbara D.

Barbara said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Barbara said...

Sorry, I posted that twice. xoxoBD

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Glad you are back blogging my dear. And I'm rooting for that Radiation, Big Time! Believe it or not, this post is terribly funny...So, that's a good thing too...Keep that Humor coming, my dear....And Barack and Michele....Oh WELCOME, WELCOME, WELCOME...I cannot wait for January 20th to get here...And you are so right. Mr. Stumblebum helped in such a Huge Way with how truly bad he was at his job!
What a moving night it was...One for the books, Indeed!

JS said...

Glad to hear you're still in fine humor form...that Gordo sounds like future blog material.
Obamanos..can't wait until they're in the white house (built by slaves) love that the whole country was crying that night-and continues to. See the backstage photos here...and feel it all in a deeper way:
Big love to you,

Joy Horowitz said...

Hi, Trish!
Glad you're back home and no longer a guinea pig. Did you see Barack and Michelle holding hands on Sixty Minutes last night? I think they actually like each other, which might be a first in the White House in our life times, anyways. Sending oodles of love your way.

John Brumfield said...

Hey Trish,
Guess who this is. No, not Brad Pitt, but you're very, very close. A lot of people make that mistake. It's Philly John Brumfield. I'm at work at The Philadelphia Inquirer. I think I Google your name almost as much as my own but for some reason this is the first time your blog has appeared (and at the top of the Google hit list where it belongs). Sounds like you've been in the middle of a lot of stories in the 20 years since I last saw you. For awhile I was in the restaurant biz and I once waited on Barbara Grover who was in Philly for some real estate deal or some such. Then I saw Andy Parks and Dennis Redfield's names on your blog and it took me back to the Edward Bond play, "Lear" we were in. I think my review would have begun "if unrelenting dreariness is your cup of tea, drink up!"
After reading between the lines of your blog, my exquisite sense of empathy tells me you're going through a lot right now. Don't ask me how, but somehow I can just sense it. So please, please accept my best wishes for the most complete reversal of fortune ever. I'm reachable at:
That's one of those Dinah Shore kisses she always threw at the end of her show.

Sister Mary Martha said...

George Bush melted the world. Hope the radiation melts the tumor.