Thursday, October 2, 2008

Of Mice and Me

What the hell happened to my sweet little life? Okay, I have cancer, I can't eat or drink almost anything. I CAN'T DRINK! (I just had to repeat that one.) Can't swim. Can't go out at night unless I carry my IV with me. WHAT KIND OF LIFE IS THAT? And now...NOW...Now I have either one tiny mouse or a family of tiny mice moving in and taking over my house. Right now, right at this moment, one of these mice, (if there is more than one) is fast asleep between my screen and my window right above my pillow. He's tucked in the corner and I was staring at him and he woke up just long enough to yawn and give me what looked to be a WINK. Kid you not. And I have to admit...He was pretty damn cute.

HOWEVER...The other day I opened the linen closet and out came a huge pile of mouse poop and a completely chewed up pillow case. Must have been very cozy in there. Now here's the thing...If it's only one mouse why should I wreck his life? Why not let him live and poop where he wants and chew up a few things and get cozy. He's not really hurting anyone and those cute little ears...But somehow it seems wrong and a little scary if there is a whole family of mice taking over my household because then the poop possibilities seem a bit frightening and the mouse brigade could chew my entire house up until everything in it is in tatters and some things, like my yard, already look a crazy old lady with a million cats lives here because I haven't been very good at taking care of things this past year. Someone said maybe the mice will make me a beautiful ball gown like Cinderella or one of those Disney princesses but even in my weakened state I knew that was not going to happen. Especially since all that these mice seem to do is sleep and chew and poop. Not the dress making type. Just my luck. So now I have to make the decision...To kill or not to kill. Honestly, I don't think I can do it...Kill those cute little things. It's like shooting a moose from a helicopter. Hmmmm, who is it that does that? Just read about her somewhere. Oh right, the next possible Vice President of the United States who can't even name a newspaper she reads. Now how did i get onto that topic. Oh right, to me shooting a moose from a helicopter seems like such an unfair disadvantage to the poor moose. Doesn't stand a chance. If you're going to kill an animal it does seem like you should at least give it a chance to save themselves like run away or fly away, depending on what type of creature it is. Just like with mice. They don't have much of a chance. Who can resist cheese? If someone put a giant piece of gouda in my yard I wouldn't even notice the big silver pipe holding it down and I'd walk over and take a big bite of that gouda without even going to get a cracker and in a moment...SQUASH...I'd be a goner.

Okay. I've decided. The mice/mouse shall live...For the time being. However, if I wake up one morning covered in creatures I'm going to give this decision some more thought. My decisions used to be much more simple...And fun. Like, what should we have for dinner? That was a fun decision. Had nothing to do with death. Except possibly for the dead fish I might have cooked that night. Didn't put a lot of thought into that. Probably should have.

Now I'm thinking about that moose again. Must be the debate tonight. Maybe the mouse would like to watch it with me. Maybe we could be a little makeshift family. Me and my mice. We could all get cozy. Chew on my blankets.

Hmmmm. I wonder if they're Republicans? And no, that would not make a difference whether I kill them or not. You have to trust me on that.

All this talk of killing has exhausted me. Peace and love.

Unless, of course, there is just way too much poop. Then to hell with it.


LESLIE said...

Hey Pooch, I'm with you on the cute ears part of all of this. I even remember, with some fondness, Micky. But, mice also can carry diseases and, I don't think they are into cleanliness. At least I've never seen one in the Purell aisles at Walgreens. So, my suggestion is a kitten!


Sheehan said...

Mice travel in gangs. Perhaps you've forgotten BIKER MICE FROM MARS? I share your issue with little meese cousins in my kitchen. They are crafty. They get the peanut butter off of the trap thing with their little tongues whilst blowing a raspberry (in my imagination) in my direction.

The bottom line is that you need your pillow cases more than the critters do.

There are 'catch and release' traps for Buddhists at OSH.


Frank said...

I'm 63 and don't find much funny anymore but the mouse story was worth a laugh or two. thanks

Sister Mary Martha said...

Get a cat.

Carolin said...

Get a humane mouse trap and set him free...
Happy Trish, happy mouse.

JS said...

Third the cat idea.
Humane traps...they just come right back in...tried it this summer and they end up with no fear.


Roberta J. said...

My critter rules:
1. Outside my home, I try not to kill anything that isn't attacking me.
2. Inside my home, all bets are off.

I ran across our nursery school picture yesterday--you were such a cute little thing! If you want me to email it to you, let me know.
Love, Roberta

Johanna said...

these catchem and then you can set them free (into the wild wilderness)
and nobody gets hurt