Tuesday, September 2, 2008

The Trial of the Century

Well, actually I'm exaggerting. This is not the trial of the century. It is certainly not the OJ trial. It's my little clinical trial that I have just signed on to. Yes, I signed the papers even before I read them because he said I could change my mind after I read them so I might as well sign while I'm there in the office. That's what Dr. Wainberg suggested and being just an airhead follower...I signed. Then I came home and read what was about to happen. Eeegad. Is there no way out of here that's pretty? Does it always have to have words in it like rash or kidney damage or difficulty performing tasks? And then to add insult to you know what it adds that it cannot be guaranteed that any of these symtoms will go away...Ever.

HOWEVER...something good might happen like the tumor might respond to the untested drug and shrink a bit or not grow anymore so there you have your choice. A choice between bad things might happen or something good might happen and also the ever popular NOTHING will happen.

Hey, I'm excited about this trial, what do you think? I do thing that doing something is better than doing nothing. Which is always an option. But here is one of the scary things that was in the papers he gave me...I am doing this trial and am a good candidate for it because all of the other treatments I have done were unsuccessful. How's that for a reason to be accepted? And here's something interesting...There are only about eight people doing this at UCLA. There are other people around the country but only about eight are here. Maybe we could be friends. Trial friends. Like twelve not angry friends locked in a room together trying to decide the outcome of our lives. "I'm going to live. No, I'm going to live. Yes, you're going to live." And on and on.

And here's the thing...I am going to live. I'm going to fight this thing to the bitter yet calm and peaceful end. Dr. Wainberg had a nice smile. He didn't look like he was running the Last Stop Saloon. Made me feel comfortable. He's a young man. Already a good bedside manner even though I wasn't lying on a bed I was sitting in a chair. A good chair side manner. Positive. That's what I've got to be. Positive. It is, as far as I can tell, the only way to get through this. But it is not easy when you know there are really only two options.

I'm opting for the first one. Maybe you could opt with me...................................

Must run out now. But I've got more to say.................Believe me............................

11 comments:

Sister Mary Martha said...

I opted with you a long time ago.

Barbara said...

I'm DEFINITELY opting IN. It was great to talk to you today, Trish.
Sending love,
b. :)

Leslie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anne said...

Thinking of you on your new road,
Anne

Frank said...

I'm opting with you and all you have to say in the wonderful way you say it.

Leslie said...

We're ALL opting with you! As I said in an earlier post, John is the Principal Investigator on a large Alzheimer's Disease clinical trial. The "consensus forms" are often scary sounding. Partly it's because there are indeed risks when you participate in a trial. Partly, there is the propensity for some people to bring lawsuits if there are adverse reactions to anything! It's great that you have this opportunity, but also that you recognize the risks involved. They would not likely be doing a clinical trial if there were not evidence of some efficacy (either in other experiments or in the population). Please always feel free to call/email if you want to talk.

Love and XXXOOOs,

Leslie

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I'm with you Trish! Opting In!
Much good luck with this Clinical Trial, my dear.

Meanwhile, what do you think about Sarah Palin and her unmarried pregnant teenage daughter? I guess the daughter didn't quite get the Abstinence Lecture from Mama....
OY VEY! Do you feel like you are living in an Alternitive Universe where this Republican Party is concerened???
(((((HUGS)))))

Barbara said...

Opt me in! Love, Barbara

Ellen said...

Of course you have to do this trial, Trish. And I join with everyone else in praying for you. You sound in better spirits, by the way (in case you can't tell, yourself!)
Oh.....DON'T listen to Palin's speech, Guiliani's speech, the speech by the other guy last night whose name I can never remember, and probably McCain's speech tomorrow. How they can even call their 7th grade hate-mongering and nastiness and obliviousness to the issues "speeches" is beyond me. Naomi, I fear it's even worse than an alternate universe....it's dumbing down to fear and hate, to the exclusion of critical thinking. It's so frightening. I can't really listen to them....I feel like it damages my soul. Don't listen, Trish. Really. Be uplifted by Michelle and Barack.

justbeemish&me said...

Count me in!

Lyla said...

We're all here for you, baby...