Sunday, August 10, 2008

Here's The Thing

So I am waiting here for my doctor to return to let me know what is the next step in this ongoing treatment that seems endless. How frustrating is that? I feel like I am healing from the chemo (it's been a couple of weeks since I've had any) but the last thing I heard before Dr. Shaum said "I'm going on summer vacation. See you in three weeks..." was..."A tiny tumor at the bottom of your esophagus is not responding to the chemo so we've got to do some radiation or some pills or some...Whoops, got to go catch my plane..." And there I was like totally anxious and left in limbo and I'm still like that. So I'm dealing with my anxiety and it seems to be better and I'm eating peanut butter which is yummy and good for me and I'm walking and talking and writing and here's the thing about writing...

Of course, I try and think of ways to take my blog and turn it into something else like a novel or a TV show or just another silly blog book that only the actual author thinks is interesting or important. And then I started to realize, who the hell wants another book or play about someone with cancer?! Or AIDS? I mean maybe if it has a really happy ending and not only does our hero get better and live to be one hundred but she meets the most wonderful person, probably a man but it's 2008 so who knows and he or she adores our hero and he/she has a million dollars and he/she gives most of it to charity because he/she is a perfect person. Well, then maybe we have an Oprah book but truthfully it's actually a bullshit book because perfect things like this never happen (do they?) so I feel that I've got to keep whatever I write...REAL. Gotta keep it real. Keepin' it real, as they say. So I was thinking that I would not write a word about what has been going on for the last year because the real truth is such a downer unless I turn it into, say, science fiction. Yea, that's the ticket. Science fiction will cure everything. Like lalala I'm going along and out of the blue a little gal in upper Slobovia comes up with THE CURE for cancer...every cancer that one can ever imagine and poof...everyone is better, including me! Oh I love it already. And I'm going to give this gal from Slobovia a very interesting life like she started out being an opera singer and one night her highest note broke a glass that lodged in her throat and formed a mirror that reflected back from her bathroom mirror and just completely removed her cancer.

Okay, that was an insane idea. You can tell I've got a bit of writer's block going on here. But we'll pull out...Me and my block. And I'll get the story. Until then I've got to sit here and eat my peanut butter and wait to hear about my next treatment. Tuesday I have my vitamin C drip and I'm looking forward to that. Meantime, I'm thinking of getting another tattoo. Maybe a few. Anything to pass the time until someone can tell me what the hell I'm going to do next.

Hey, maybe if I stick to science fiction I can come up with a new religion like Mr. Hubbard did. Wow, when I think about it there are so many possibilities when one really sits down to think about it. Start a religion, that's a good one. Worship furniture, maybe. Or peanut butter. Oh, the possibilities.

Do you think I'm been spending too much time alone. I'm a social gal. I need a network of people. I need my virginia Avenue kids.

What I need is help.

My son and my nephew were here this week. It was heaven. Life is good. I've just got to keep reminding myself of that. Story or no story. It's the real thing that's heaven. And that happens everyday if you just open your eyes.


Ellen said...

ok, but how about at least Trader Joe's almond butter instead of the peanut butter? And how the hell can you eat peanut butter when it gives me a stomachache? But....I also believe you get to eat whatever the fuck you want. At any time.
Your new hopefully friend and sort of old acquaintance,

barbara said...

So heres the thing. I think that life goes in cycles. the good thing about the down cycle is that it has to go up. so you have lots of friends, OLD and new that love you, and of course your son for the up ride. how about this computer thing that allows your OLD friends to let you know how much we are thinking of you like Nancy, Gail, Ellen, Candy, Rayna, Julie, Gary, Elliot and of course me Smitty. Lots of love, hang in there. barb

Justin said...

Hi Trish,

My name is Justin Guild and I’m a graduate research assistant currently working with Dr. Jeong-Nam Kim at Purdue University on a health communication study.

Specifically, our research explores how information sharing behavior through online communities (such as blogs) influences coping strategies among people with chronic conditions including cancer, diabetes, depression, etc. and their family members.

I’m contacting you to seek permission to place a link to our online web survey on your blog to invite readers and other visitors to participate. The survey is purely academic in nature and takes no longer than 5-7 minutes to complete.

The web survey can be found by clicking on this link:

The findings of this study could lead to better management capacities of chronic diseases as well as an increase in funding for research related to online communities.

If possible, we would be very appreciative if you could please forward the link to the web survey to other people you may know with chronic conditions.

If you have any questions, or would like additional information, please don’t hesitate to contact me at

Thank you for your time and consideration.


Justin Guild

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

I really LOVE the OPera Singer who broke the glass with her high note and then it lodged in her throat, etc., And maybe that reflection thingy would really work!! LOL!

So happy to hear you are having some delicious Peanut Butter. I found some delicious Almond Butter on the Internet...If you are interested, let me know...!

Thinking of you my dear Trish and sending you (((((HUGS))))))

Anonymous said...

Stinks about the waiting thing. Docs should know better than leave a patient hanging in limbo --- but alas, they don't. It is not taught in medical school and if a doc doesn't have regular social graces, the thought of leaving a patient hanging doesn't enter their minds.

Isn't it great that you can eat stuff again? I know you are enjoying that!

Hang in there and keep writing. It is not only cathartic but keeps us in touch with you and vice versa.


he haw hilarious said...

Hey Trish! It's Jane, Nate and Gabe's mom. I read your blog constantly. I'm usually here as Sister Mary Martha.

Anyhow...if you haven't read Cat's Cradle, now would be the time. Vonnegut made up his own religion. As an adult I realized one day that I've been a follower of his made up religion most of my life.

But...he outlines in the book what you need for a religion (since all religions are made up and yes, this is Sister Mary Martha saying so).

you need:
1. an explanation for why we are born only to suffer and die.

2. hope.

3. justice/balance

4. punishment for evil.

That's pretty much it. You pretty much have to start with the 'why are we here' part. It's all easy after that.

Love hearing that you're better, even though you still have to slog around with a stupid baby tumor.

We hear from Will once in a while. Really miss him.

Roberta J. said...

You're right Barb! There are lots of old friends who still love Patti and are thinking about her!You just forgot to add me to your list! I firmly believe that all these good thoughts from all of us old and new friends are somehow helping. They certainly can't hurt!