Okay, if I'm lucky I've got two chemos to go. Had one yesterday and you know what?...I don't feel TOO BADLY today. So let us stand up and twirl around in a little circle and scream a hip hip hooray for at least one moment of lightness on my feet.
HIP HIP HOORAY!!
Wow. I don't know how one person can take these feelings that go up and down and in and out but I'll take the good ones when they come. I woke up this morning wanting to do the laundry and clean the living room and write and maybe all these pills are making me a bit bi-polar but that means that I am going to have GOOD days as well as bad and for a while I thought those good days were not coming back. But here I am all washed up and wearing purple. A nurse told me yesterday that it takes about six weeks after the last chemo for your hair to start coming back in. It comes in all soft and fuzzy first, not my best look, but then that breaks off and the real hair comes in and it will most likely be quite grey or white and I'll have to figure out how I want to deal with that. Am I ready to go there. But that seems like a fun problem. Something that is easily dealt with.
Yesterday at chemo I watched this old woman wheel this old man to his chemo chair. They had obviously been married for decades and now he was sick and cranky as hell. He had the IV in his arm and wouldn't stop moving that arm up to scratch his head and every time he would move it the IV would BEEP LOUDLY and he was doing it just to drive his wife and the nurse crazy. He had a devilish look on his face and not the cute kind of devilish look. The evil devilish kind. And the wife tried to keep her voice down as she scolded him. "Earnest, keep your arm down. Don't you see how it wrecks the flow everytime you bring it up to you face." And then two minutes later he would do it again and she would slap his arm down and he just waited for her to slap him and on and on this went and I was so glad that I lived alone and might be saved this little annoyance. There are some good things about living alone, I keep telling myself. I mean, let's be honest, people, even people you love, drive you crazy sometimes. It ain't all sexy and pretty roses.
And speaking of sexy...I got a catalogue that has a whole section on what they call "personal luxuries . Vibrators. My favorite is a unisex model called "Deep Blue bliss." It has five pre programmed pleasure modes and is virtually silent. I would like to learn the five pleasure modes. I know maybe...Three. Should I order this Deep Blue Bliss? Will I then be on a strange list and get unwanted e-mails and packages wrapped in brown paper with no return address on the back? On the other hand, what the hell.
Hmmmm. Guess I seem to be feeling better today. Especially if I'm thinking of vibrating with my warn out body. But truthfully how much reading can you do or TV can you watch. I need a new outlet. Oh, I just looked back at the catalogue and this contraption comes with a silk carrying case. I think I'm sold. I'll let you know. Of course, this all changes if my bi polarness switches back to the dark side tomorrow. Hope it doesn't. Hope I stay up here in the happiness area.
Two chemos left. Is that really possible? Do I really get my life back after that? Maybe I'll even take a vacation with my Deep Blue Bliss. Oh, the fun we could have. On the road with my bliss. And he's only $49.95. What a guy...................................