Assisted Leaving

Someone told me that the man formerly known as my husband met the parents of his girlfriend. He's sixty. So are they. And I started thinking that this poor girl is going have to put both her parents and her boyfriend into assisted living at the same time. Will they share a room? Will they like the same TV shows? I hope they don't get their blood pressure pills mixed up. And then I started wondering, which one will need a hearing aid first? Hmmmm. Thick glasses. Which one will be more cranky than the others? Oh, I hope I live long enough to see this. I have always wanted to die laughing.

And speaking of death...I was talking about the D word and afterlife with a friend the other day. She has a strong belief in an afterlife. And I think that's great. But here is what confuses me...There are so many different religions and each one is convinced that they know what is going to happen after we die. Some feel that if you don't accept Jesus you don't have a chance in hell for a happy afterlife. Well, I guess you have a chance in hell. However there are others who believe in heaven for the good and hell for the bad and some think they will be reincarnated and there are, of course, those 72 virgins that await those that kill themselves and the infidel at the same time. So, are one of those religions right? And does that mean that everyone else is wrong? Makes me think that one should believe in EVERYTHING, just in case. Maybe I should accept Jesus, whom I'm sure was a great guy so why not? And how is everyone so sure they are right? Have they talked to someone who has already been there and back? Ah...I don't think so. It's just all in their heads. At this point, at this moment in my life I believe in this point and this moment. How could I not? It's too fantastic. But I may change, you never know. If I get a chance to be aware that I am going to die at any moment I may just look to the skies and proclaim that I want to come back as a whale. Can you do that with reincarnation? Choose your next self? I just don't have a strong feeling about those 72 virgins.

Cate Blanchett...Oh my God does she knock that Bob Dylan thing out of the ballpark. That was so cool. I loved that movie but I don't think it's for everyone. You really have to know way too much about Bob Dylan, which unfortunately I do, but I just thought I'm Not There was full of passion and energy and not a studio person saying, "Oh, but it should be more upbeat, have a really happy ending and do you really think this movie makes any sense?"

There are some people who think that a year from now I will be all back to normal. Be able to eat a normal meal and feel like a normal person and not almost faint after I eat breakfast. Not going to happen. I will not get any better than I am now but I'm getting used to it. Can't eat oranges or tomatoes ever again, nothing spicy, no pepper or garlic. No fruit juice. But the one thing I will be able to do more is swim and do yoga again. Can't wait. It doesn't really bother me. The other day I bought a hand lotion that smelled like oranges because I used to love oranges and I miss them. But hey, I'm here and I had a great weekend eating my tiny piece of turkey without cranberry sauce and I was sitting next to my son who is the apple of my eye (what the hell does that mean?) so what more could I ask for.

How did they come up with SEVENTY TWO virgins? Why not fifty four? Or ten. Wouldn't ten be enough? Well, maybe not enough to blow yourself up. Maybe you actually need 72 as an inncentive.

Dick Cheney has an irregular heart beat. Are we surprised? I'm just surprised he has a heart at all.