They're Talkin' to Me

I am not a daytime TV watcher. I've never seen Oprah though I've read her books. But yesterday I found myself half asleep on the couch and my thumb and I picked up the remote and found a little travel show. One of those pseudo journalists named Chuck Henry was island hopping and I thought, that looks like fun. So I watched Chuck hopping from hammock to hammock which was really all the cameraman seemed to be interested in...Chuck in a hammock. They'd show a little water and a little sand and everything looked pretty much looked the same until Chuck showed up in a new shirt. It wasn't really very informative but then they got to Fiji. And there was this guy on the island, he looked to be about 60, and he'd lived in Seattle until 30 years ago when he decided to make a bold move and live a dream. So he bought a Fiji island for half a million, which doesn't seem bad for an island considering for half a million you couldn't even buy a shack in Venice, and he's lived there ever since. And I was thinking, wow, what a brave guy. How fabulous is that to just go for it? And then they showed his wife... A beautiful little island wife who could not have been more than 16 years old and her three little ones who were all under the age of 6. And Chuck and the island man did a wild dance around a campfire and I decided that I will probably never go to Fiji.
And then good old Huell Howser was looking around Half Moon Bay and really searching for SOMETHING that might be interesting. And this sweet local lady showed him a barn. And Huell reacted with great enthusiasm as he always does. "Well, would you look at this! A barn! Look at these doors! And inside...Wow, there's enough room for...barn things! Would you look at this!" It was enough to make you want to slit your wrists. If I have to watch someone showing me the inside of an empty barn then I really am better off dead.
So I switched to the animal channel. That seemed like it might be relaxing and I love animals so what could be wrong with that. I tuned in just as a very attractive lizard was sticking out his tongue to grab an innocent little grasshopper and chew him to death. And while he was doing that a snake with very big eyes chomped on the lizard and bit his fucking head off, I kid you not. It was horrifying. And I decided that daytime TV was not a good thing for me.
This did not occur to me...Crazy fans google the name Robert DeNiro, and some of them come up with my blog. They do not seem like friendly people. I think they want to kill me. They must be the Taxi Driver fans. I got a comment on my blog that said..."You slept with DeNiro? You must be hot. Gimme your e-mail or I'll find you anyway. TB" I figured that TB must stand for Travis Bickle. Oh my gosh I can't believe I have to fear for my life in yet another way.
I swam today. The thumb seems better but the arm still hurts. Not eating much. But trying. Maybe I should chomp on a lizard.