Friday, December 12, 2008

I Hear A Frog

Okay, I don't even know where to begin. Hmmmm, I think I'll begin...right...

HERE. I have finished my radiation and I believe I glow in the dark now just in time for the holidays. It was not bad except for the fatigue that follows and then I got this lump on my neck which appears to be a lymph node and the possibly good news IF THERE IS SUCH A THING, is that it seems to have gone down quite a bit since it first appeared and it may have been the reason my right arm wasn't working and the reason for it's appearance may be the horribly unattractive entrance to my feeding tube. As you may recall, the tube caught on a chair a few months ago and popped out and ever since then it has just been a pain in the tube and is always red and yucky but no one wanted to do anything until I finished the CLINICAL TRIAL (THUMBS DOWN ON THAT ONE) and immediately after that I went into the hospital and then onto radiation so they couldn't mess with the tube until RADIATION was complete. So now it's done and Monday morning my tube is going to be adjusted either by surgery or just sticking another tube into the hole and yuck and you have no idea how tired I am talking about tubes and holes and not in any form of sexual reference. Ah, I remember the good ole days of happy tubes and holes. Not painful tubes and holes.

So I am recouping from radiation and I learned from my friend Carol that my very handsome and charming radiologist, Dr. Song, is married to a famous journalist who used to be on The View and I think her name might be Lisa Ling and she and Dr. Song were on the View last week and Carol saw them and confirmed that I was NOT light headed and yes, Dr. Song, IS a very handsome man. I want to kiss him. I think I will in my dreams. Tubes and holes.

Speaking of kisses...There is a very loud frog outside my window and I have started to think that maybe he is that prince and he's just waiting for me to let him in so I can give him that big slimey kiss that transforms him into Prince Freddy or someone with a good sense of humor and a Prius. But if I open the screen to let him in at night then it also gives a signal to the mice and I do not want to kiss any of those guys even though they are awfully cute but they poop just about everywhere when allowed in and I don't know much about frog poop but if I kiss Mr. Toad right away maybe I could catch him as a prince and I have never heard about any Princely pooping problems.

Oh my God, do you think I am loosing my mind? Is it the season? Deck the halls and all that. Kiss the frog. Kiss Dr. Song. I did have a full body scan this morning and was injected with more radioactive stuff and some of it must have gone to my brain so I take no responsibility for what I am saying. Or thinking.

I have to buy some presents. I'm late. For a very important date. Did I ever mention that I was cast once as the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland because I fit into the costume? Actually, it was Alice in UNDERLAND and it was a Seven-Up commercial, THE UNCOLA, and I went up for the part of Alice (I had long blonde hair, after all) but I happened to fit into the rabbit suit and oh they were so happy to have an actress who even fit into the damn rabbit feet shoes. I was so humiliated wearing that giant rabbit head that I wouldn't take it off all day, even for lunch. They would fork sloppy joes into my big rabbit mouth. And no one ever knew what I really looked like. I just sat in that costume all day, crying, wondering why I wasn't Alice. My entire childhood flashed before me as I watched through the rabbit hole eyes the entire crew flirt with Alice and I sat on the sidelines, legs crossed and sloppy joe dripping down my whiskers.

Good residuals, though.

So Monday they fix my tube.

And maybe that frog will be there.

I am so ready.


LESLIE said...

So glad you're back with your funnyness. I'll keep my fingers crossed for a good tube job. I keep thinking about you all the time. Your Agawak pal, Leslie

CHERIBEE said...

At last a word from our sponsor (or blogger as the case may be) What a relief to hear your voice, croaky as it may be ( kissing frogs will do that, so beware) Good luck with the tube procedure and keep those cards and letters coming.

Roberta J. said...

So glad you're blogging again--I know we all miss your sometimes skewed but always refreshing outlook on life in general. I find it so amazing that you felt like the rabbit looking at Alice and it reminded you of your childhood. In my childhood, YOU were ALWAYS the beautiful blond Alice and I was always the rabbit. (And as I write this, I imagine some of your readers going "yeah, duh!")Perspectives are weird, I guess, and often wrong. Keep that in mind when you are down and feeling rabbity. And if I were you, kiss the frog--what could it hurt?
Love, Roberta

cynthia said...

Hey Trish, glad I found you -- your old friend, trusted assistant, and former Willie babysitter -- been thinking about you ever since I heard the news and am glad you're still your funny-self, despite everything... Thinking good thoughts for you, always... and am ready to xerox that screenplay of yours at any time...
Love, Cynthia Cohen

John Brumfield said...

Hi Trish,
John Brumfield again. Sorry about the tone of my first comment. I was so excited to have found a contact for you I neglected to actually read the blog before commenting on it. It was possibly a little too oblivious of the circumstances. Maybe I should have read the title of your blog to have got a clue about your current condition.
Anyway, I remember your
7-UP commercial. You said it paid for that blue VW you use to run around in.
Dr. Song? You have a knack for attracting people with lyrical names. I remember you once got mugged in Venice (the guy pulled you down some stairs by your handbag strap). They caught the perp and you had to attend a hearing. I went with you. The arresting cop, Officer Spring was late for the proceedings and we waited for some minutes until the bailiff announced that "Spring is here" to which you replied "Why doesn't my heart go dancing?"

Elliot said...

Trish, just got back from my first ever Mah Jongg cruise in the Caribbean (think I married a Jewish woman?) and was glad to see you're back online and have the triumphant attitude still.

I kept thinking about the picture of you and Craig Joseph 'Climbing the Ladder of Success' in the Lake ReView (must be approaching senility or all those Jamaican shopkeepers, but I couldn't get it out of my head!).

Keep on climbing!

Nancy L said...

I agree with Roberta, you were always the beautiful Alice and you still are to me.
I always try to send you a comment and keep forgetting my password. I think that is more than a senior moment. Love you so,
Nancy L

mernitman said...

Kiss the frog, Trish (It's sort of like, "Find the girl, Gittes!" from CHINATOWN -- must be said with the proper John Huston intonation, but)
if you've got a Song in your heart... Kiss the frog.

mark said...

i've read your posts and am thinking of you;sending out cancer destroying thoughts - looking forward to a new post, mark

JS said...

Thinking about you...and frogs...and looking forward to more words from you.


Candice said...

Trish! Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I am wishing for you a joyous and beautiful 2009.

Candice (Candi)

Linn said...

Please come back to us, you've been gone too long. I think I speak for everyone when I say we miss YOU and your wonderful wit. I hope this year brings you better news. It has given us Obama, so anything is possible with hope and prayers. I wish you well.
Linn Keer Okkelberg

DaleCards said...

I had an architect whose last name was Steele. There was a plastic surgeon in Detroit named Dr. Beekus. And in high school gym class when attendance was called Gail Hickey got a laugh every time. Love to you.

Sheehan said...

To be or not to be, that is not the question. The question is, To be or to be forgotten.

You will never be forgotten, Trish.

love, michaelsheehan

robbie said...

I know you are swimming with the most beautiful fish, frogs and princes we can never imagine. And your beautiful blonde hair is shining.
Thank you for all you have given us.

Lyla said...

I'm lifting a martini to Trish tonight and remembering...

Shauna said...


You ARE Alice will always be the beautiful one that everyone is flirting with and someone else is in the bunny costume with sloppy joes running down the face and I miss you and I know you are happy...but I still feel a void, and I wish I could see right now through the tears...your writing and wit and everything about you will be missed...

You ARE Alice honey. You are anything you want to be now. I miss you.

jf said...

How many 7UP bottles did I draw as a kid? Hundreds? I dreamed of doing a real billboard for them. One of many ideas I sketched out was "Alice in Underland," which I sent directly to the 7UP Company, being too young, I suppose, to know what an ad agency was. I did this a few months before 7UP's own Alice commercial appeared.

When I saw the commercial, I assumed I'd been ripped off. Or maybe I just enjoyed fantasizing that the idea had come from me, and wasn't just an obvious pun that any copywriter would have thought of.

I would love to see the Alice commercial again. I think I saw it twice, and that was that.