Saturday, June 23, 2007
So today after walking Gracie the Dog I decided I needed to get some exercise and I thought maybe I should try and swim tomorrow instead of today because of this weird cold sensitivity thing so I thought I'd walk. Down to the water. All I could think about while I was walking was that Russian guy who was poisoned, supposedly by Vladimar Putin. Now, I don't think Putin poisoned me but I kept thinking about that guy without his hair and looking like an alien and because I don't have much of an appetite right now I sort of felt like maybe I was beginning to look like him. I mean, hummus does not sustain life as far as I know and it's very hard to find something to eat that goes down well. Myrna made me soup and that's good and Joy brought over soup and hummus and there is this stuff called Ensure that is made of crap and doctors want you to drink it! Didn't they read the label? It's not actually food. It's chemicals. Cannot be good for a person. But beyond my appetite, which I am sure will come back and when it does I am going to drown in macaroni and cheese which is something I always avoid because it's so fattening but now that at least I don't have to worry about gaining weight, I'm going to line the cupboards with Kraft boxes after my operation. What I'm getting at is my thumb. My right thumb does not seem to work. Right now. I hope. I can type but I can't seemed to draw. Of course, I'm a terrible artist and I couldn't draw even when my thumb was fine so maybe I'll actually draw something interesting with a paralyzed thumb. But I must say that it is a very strange side effect. Other than that, on this second day out of chemo I just feel a bit tired. Like right then, between that last sentence and this one, I took a long pause where my mind fell asleep and I wrote an entire novel in my head, all at the same time. This also happened when I took acid in 1969 so maybe I'm having some kind of a flashback. A chemo/acid thing. I must say the acid was much more fun that the chemo and I wasn't fighting death...Or maybe I was. But it never felt that way. I had a great time running around Berkeley one night at three in the morning on acid and thousands of people were out, like in the middle of the day and THEY were all on acid too and everyone was friendly and happy and insane. Maybe if I could stay awake until three in the am there would be a bunch of chemo people out there all running around in their jammies having a great old time. I must say life is nothing if not interesting.